You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
