a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
