There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
