I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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