it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need to sanitize my soul.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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