We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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