there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
