glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
