I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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