When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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