There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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