Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
40s are totally the cure
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
