Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
