dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
