a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
