I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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