she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
