Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
