Have you finally orgasmed yet?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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