the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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