Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
