Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
