I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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