There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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