I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
