just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
