you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
