woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Couch. On fire.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
