i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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