Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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