You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
