i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
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