TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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