he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I will be naked everywhere
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
