What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
