Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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