Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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