I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
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So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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