he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
