It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
