When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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