I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
