Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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