i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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