my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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