Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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