At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
