I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
