So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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