Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
