Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
