idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
