Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
