Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
