i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
