she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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