I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
