So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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