Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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