Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
