Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
