I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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