Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
