oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
