I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
