left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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