Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
